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I Have A Broken Heart, Worst day of my life!

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the boys first meeting

THE FIRST MEETING

Writing this is the hardest thing I have ever written. Today is the worst day of my life and I have a broken heart.   My 2 beautiful boys BOO and FINN left this world today.   Having to make the decision as their mom to put them down was the most difficult decision I have ever made.

Our boys were the best boys any mom could ask for.  They brought us so much unconditional love and joy I can’t put it into words.

I love dogs so much, I just struggle with the fact, that we generally always out live our dogs.

Out of the blue.

Waking up one day and realizing that your life is changing forever is hard to wrap your head around.  Each of our boys were unique and special.  Their characters were funny, sweet and so lovable.

I don’t know if a person is ever ready to hear bad news about their dogs.  Having 2 dogs I think that you never imagine that they will both be sick at the same time.

Our boys especially as they were 5 years in age apart.  At no point did we imagine that we would have to say goodbye to them together.

Brotherly Love

BROTHERLY LOVE

Last Saturday we got the horrible diagnosis that both our boys were very sick.  Walking out of the Vet office we still thought that yes we have a decision to make at some point, but we were sure we still had some time left.

BOO!

BOO who has been dealing with Cushings Disease for 2 years was now diagnosed with Lymphoma.   The cancer had already spread to other lymph nodes in his thoracic area.  Unfortunately at almost 16 years of age treatment was not something that we were willing to put him through.

The Vet said that the dogs don’t die from having Cushings Disease, but the disease suppresses their immune system.  This leaves them vulnerable to other diseases.   In BOO’s case he developed Lymphoma.

She was unsure if the cancer had spread to his brain.  He had episodes of odd behavior that could also be due to a dementia cognitive dysfunction diagnosis.   Over the past 2 years BOO had also had 2 seizures, that were almost a year apart.

Without doing extensive and very costly tests an exact diagnosis of how far the cancer had already gotten was difficult.

BOO really was a trooper right to the end.  Certainly at times, he would seem very old and tired, then just out of the blue that spunk would be there.  At that point, you think well he still has life left.

Boo handsome boy

BOO LOOKS SO DAPPER!

FINNEGAN.

My beautiful boy FINN was struck with Addison’s Disease at the age of 8 months old.  We almost lost him than.   When I think about that tough journey than, I think that we managed to get 10 more years with him than maybe we were supposed to.

His life all in all was quite good.  He was for the most part fairly healthy.   Taking him to the Vet less than a week ago and finding out he had Laryngeal Paralysis was a devastating diagnosis.  We did have the option to try surgery, but the odds aren’t great.

We opted to take him home and see how things went.  Only within days of his diagnosis, he went down hill very quickly. Thinking we at least would have a few months or weeks quickly evaporated.

The paralysis instantly affected his hind legs to the point of his back end being wobbly and him having difficulty jumping up on the couch or bed.  On top of this issue, his breathing became extremely labored just overnight it seemed.  Watching him struggling for that deep breath was unbearable to watch.

We quickly realized that we weren’t going to get any extra time with him and couldn’t stand to watch him struggle.  That light they talk about in his eyes was dimming.  His eyes were always the most amazing thing about him.  Watching that sad look in his eyes, was the tell-tale sign that he gave us to say “No More Mom”.

Handsome Finn

THE BIG FELLA!

Brothers from another mother.

Although our boys were not actually brothers by blood, they were brothers in every other sense of the meaning. FINN met BOO when BOO was already 5 years old.

Right from day one, they were the best of friends.  As the years went on, they became even more inseparable.  They loved to play, cuddle and sleep together.  The only time in their lives that they were ever apart was on grooming day.  They never spent one night away from each other their whole lives.

I wonder if them getting so sick at the same time was their way of ensuring that they left this world together.  The 5-year gap meant nothing to either one of them.  Just like the dramatic size difference between the two was an invisible factor.  I wonder if them getting so sick at the same time was their way of ensuring that they left this world together.

I don’t think either one of them could have lived a happy life without the other.

The End.

I have many other pets in my lifetime. Sadly I have to go through the end of life with all of them.  Even though I have been through this many times before, I was not prepared for this day.Love of my life

We decided after just 4 days after their diagnosis, that we were going to put our beautiful boys down.  In talking to our Vet, we asked her if they could go together, to which she said absolutely.

Making the call to book the appointment was painful.

It started out as just a regular day, but yet we both knew that it wasn’t.   Loading the dogs in the car for their last trip was unlike anything you can imagine.  Looking at them as I drive to the Vet wondering the entire time, can I actually say goodbye to my boys.

The tears and heartbreak started even before they were gone.  We decided that we were going to be there for their very last breaths. In our minds as their moms, we owed them that much.

Anyone that has put a pet down, knows the process that happens with euthanasia.  Watching our boys go together offered us a small sense of relief for them, but honestly it was the worst thing to see.Bubba

When they are gone and you are just sitting their looking at them, was the most difficult thing I have ever done.  Getting home and walking into that empty house has been hard.  Everywhere you look we see them.

Loving those 2 boys was the most wonderful thing we have ever done.  They will never be forgotten.   I don’t think that hole will ever be filled.

Today it is just one day at a time.  We never got all the time we wanted, but we have pictures, videos and memories that can’t be taken away.

♥♥ We love you sweet boys! ♥♥

 

 

 

14 Comments

  1. May you be fulfilled my dear. From the tone of your post I could feel you pain, I’ve also lost a pet to cancer of the brain. She was the calmest of creatures and would never bark of bite any one in the house. When this cancer became too serious she would leave the house and when she returns, she barks at everyone and one time she bit me. Few months later months she died, it was at death I go to know she had brain cancer. I’ll advice everyone to take their buddies to the vet regularly, I was careless with mine and I lost her. Don’t lose yours. 

    • Hi Dane,

      Thank you for sharing your comments on my post.  I appreciate you sharing with me the story of your wonderful pet.  She sounded absolutely wonderful.

      Losing a pet quickly never seems to give you enough time to actually process what is happening. Our Boo was less shocking unlike our Finn. 

      No matter when it happens though, honestly it still hurts just as much. Regular vet checks are such a necessity for sure.

      Thanks

      Coralie

  2. Coralie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have had to put two of my own down. My boxer Sadie, and just this last Christmas Day, my bulldog Bocephus was hit by a truck, he seemed okay but the limping and when I took him to the Emergency vet, it happened so fast. I wasn’t prepared to hear that he had internal bleeding and his lungs were filling too quickly they had to put him down. Worst Christmas ever. I know how hard it is to lose your best friend. To lose Boo and Finn in one day, I just can’t imagine. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it does help to talk about them. Bless you and your family.

    • Hi Tracy,

      I am so sorry to hear about your bulldog.  That must have been devastating for you and your family, especially at xmas time.  No time is a good time, but unexpectedly having that loss is difficult.

      I agree that talking about it does help I think and hearing other people share there personal stories makes me feel less alone.

      Thank you so much for sharing. Best of luck to you.

      Coralie

  3. Coralie,  So sorry to read about your loss.  Losing one would be hard enough but losing two… I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling.  They are our kids.  WE do the same things for our pets that we would do for our human family members.

    They are a part of us.  Oh, It just makes me sad.  I have been there a couple of times and both times I felt like I was losing a part of myself so, MAYBE I do know.

    I totally relate to all you’ve said.  I still miss my boy peanut and we don’t know how much longer we are going to have our fur buddy Jersey.  He’s going blind and deaf and has been diagnosed with dementia cognitive dysfunction as well and is anxious a lot of the time unless he is sleeping.  So probably not much longer.

    So, yeah, right there with you.  Wish I could find a hug emoji and send it along to you.  

    Be thinking of you,

    Wayne

    • Hi Wayne,

      So sorry to hear about your Jersey.  Boo had some dementia cognitive dysfunction and it was extremely difficult to see them go through.  I am sending happy thoughts to your Jersey.

      I love that you shared your personal story of losing your pets.  Only people that have gone through it really know how hard it is.  Especially when we are parents that treat our dogs like kids.

      Hug your Jersey for me and hang on as long you can.  Best wishes to you and thank your so much for your wonderful comments.

      Coralie

  4. Hi Coralie,

    Sorry for your lost, but I am sure they all went together to heaven and will definitely guard you from the other side. They all look so cute to me and adorable. I wonder when Finn and Boo diagnosed for Addison’s Disease & Cushings Disease, did they behave weird or have some symptom that all the dog owners should be noticed for?

    It will be good if you could provide us the info, then all of us could benefit from this.

    • Hi Matt,

      I appreciate your comments on my post. Yes I hope the boys are up there in heaven having fun and playing like puppies.

      Both dogs suffered from auto immune diseases and I actually did a post on both of them Addison’s disease and Cushings disease. I will share the links and you can check out the whole story.

      Thanks again for your thoughts.

      Coralie

  5. It brings such raw emotion back to me reading this. Similarly, we had 2 dogs, Barney and Jazz. Barney was a German Shepard cross Rhodesian Ridgeback with a beautiful nature. He was a rescue dog& we got him at 7 months old. He was brilliant. Jazz was a a Golden Retriever and we brought her home 4 years later as an 8 week old puppy. From night 2 they slept in the same bed together. They too were inseparable. 

    We started having kids 5 years after Barney arrived and 18 months after Jazz. Fast forward 4 years, we had 3 kids, plus our 2 fur babies. Sadly, 2 years ago, the day before Barney turned 14, we had him put down. He’d been battling illness for 11 months, lost a lot of weight and although the medication he was on helped extend his life, his back legs literally stopped working. My wife and I stood in the vet that day, as his life slipped away, our tears falling onto his face embracing each other and him. I thought I was ready. So wrong I was.

    8 months later, Jazz was diagnosed with cancer. The mean aggressive type. They said best case scenario she could last 12 months, worst case 3 to 6 months. She loved her food, though when for the 2nd time in 6 weeks she went off her food I was preparing to take her to the vet after I’d dropped the kids at school when my daughter noticed Jazz acting strangely. I got to Jazz in time for her to die in my arms in my front yard. I loaded the 3 kids and Jazz into the car and raced to the vet. It was too late. She was gone.

    I feel your pain. They become such a big part of your life bringing such unconditional love, fun, laughter and responsibility. I am sure both Finn and Boo received as much love and fun from you as they brought to you. Rest assured, they had a better life because of you.

    • Hi Peter,

      Reading your comments I have tears rolling down my face just thinking about you and your wife in the vet office.  It is just such a difficult thing to see the life slip away from them. 

      I promised myself I would stay til the end which we did.  That image is so difficult to get rid of, but I wanted me to be the last thing that they saw when they left this world.

      Sounds like your Barney and Jazz were much luck my 2 boys.  It is great that they have a companion while we are away at work.  I loved having 2 dogs.

      Thank you so much for sharing your stories with me, it helps knowing that so many other people go through the same thing.  Nothing takes away the pain other than time and now I seem to have a lot more of it.

      Best wishes Peter.

      Coralie

  6. Hi Coralie,

    My condolences on your losses.

    We do become attached to our (mammal) pets, because they, like us, are living souls. Our souls become attached to their souls. I believe that dogs, more than any other mammal, even horses, have souls that mesh very closely with our own.

    It is great that you have pictures and videos of Boo and Finn, because you can relive wonderful memories of your times with them and of their personalities. After you grieve for a time, though, you will need to put those memories in a special place and move forward with your own life.

    In our family, we have had four cats with their distinctively different personalities and levels of (human-related) intelligence. Two died at home from kidney failures, one went off to die of old age, and one “disappeared” (we think he was intentionally killed). As a result of those relationships we built with our cats, then watching the two suffer (and having them “put to sleep”), my wife refuses to take another into our lives. So, I can relate to the pain of your loss.

    Just know that although Boo and Finn will never be forgotten nor your feelings for them diminish, life will go on and new experiences will ease that pain. Again, you have my condolences and my well-wishes.

    • Hi James,

      Your words are so wonderful to hear.  I really appreciate you sharing your own stories of how difficult it is to lose our beloved pets.

      I am in the same mind set as your wife right now, that I never want to go through this again, but I know that is just the grief talking.  Time does help heal.

      Our boys will never be forgotten you are so right and I for now those pics and videos will have to do.

      I know we will move on without them, as that is how life goes.

      Thank you so much for your sincere wishes.

      Coralie

  7. Oh Cora…my heart absolutely aches for you two. I’ve also seen that “light” fade in my fur babies, and some human’s eyes. It always tells me what I need to know.xoxo

    • Hi Jake,
      Thank you so much for your heart felt condolences. Anyone that loves animals like we do knows what it feels like to be here.
      I miss our boys every minute of everyday. I do take some comfort that they are together. They sure did love each other.
      Thanks Jake
      Coralie

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