Writing this is the hardest thing I have ever written. Today is the worst day of my life and I have a broken heart. My 2 beautiful boys BOO and FINN left this world today. Having to make the decision as their mom to put them down was the most difficult decision I have ever made.
Our boys were the best boys any mom could ask for. They brought us so much unconditional love and joy I can’t put it into words.
I love dogs so much, I just struggle with the fact, that we generally always out live our dogs.
Out of the blue
Waking up one day and realizing that your life is changing forever is hard to wrap your head around. Each of our boys were unique and special. Their characters were funny, sweet and so lovable.
I don’t know if a person is ever ready to hear bad news about their dogs. Having 2 dogs I think that you never imagine that they will both be sick at the same time.
Our boys especially as they were 5 years in age apart. At no point did we imagine that we would have to say goodbye to them together.
Last Saturday we got the horrible diagnosis that both our boys were very sick. Walking out of the Vet office we still thought that yes we have a decision to make at some point, but we were sure we still had some time left.
BOO who has been dealing with Cushings Disease for 2 years was now diagnosed with Lymphoma. The cancer had already spread to other lymph nodes in his thoracic area. Unfortunately at almost 16 years of age treatment was not something that we were willing to put him through.
The Vet said that the dogs don’t die from having Cushings Disease, but the disease suppresses their immune system. This leaves them vulnerable to other diseases. In BOO’s case he developed Lymphoma.
She was unsure if the cancer had spread to his brain. He had episodes of odd behavior that could also be due to a dementia cognitive dysfunction diagnosis. Over the past 2 years BOO had also had 2 seizures, that were almost a year apart.
Without doing extensive and very costly tests an exact diagnosis of how far the cancer had already gotten was difficult.
BOO really was a trooper right to the end. Certainly at times, he would seem very old and tired, then just out of the blue that spunk would be there. At that point, you think well he still has life left.
My beautiful boy FINN was struck with Addison’s Disease at the age of 8 months old. We almost lost him than. When I think about that tough journey than, I think that we managed to get 10 more years with him than maybe we were supposed to.
His life all in all was quite good. He was for the most part fairly healthy. Taking him to the Vet less than a week ago and finding out he had Laryngeal Paralysis was a devastating diagnosis. We did have the option to try surgery, but the odds aren’t great.
The paralysis instantly affected his hind legs to the point of his back end being wobbly and him having difficulty jumping up on the couch or bed. On top of this issue, his breathing became extremely labored just overnight it seemed. Watching him struggling for that deep breath was unbearable to watch.
We quickly realized that we weren’t going to get any extra time with him and couldn’t stand to watch him struggle. That light they talk about in his eyes was dimming. His eyes were always the most amazing thing about him. Watching that sad look in his eyes, was the tell-tale sign that he gave us to say “No More Mom”.
Brothers from another mother
Although our boys were not actually brothers by blood, they were brothers in every other sense of the meaning. FINN met BOO when BOO was already 5 years old.
Right from day one, they were the best of friends. As the years went on, they became even more inseparable. They loved to play, cuddle and sleep together. The only time in their lives that they were ever apart was on grooming day. They never spent one night away from each other their whole lives.
I wonder if them getting so sick at the same time was their way of ensuring that they left this world together. The 5-year gap meant nothing to either one of them. Just like the dramatic size difference between the two was an invisible factor. I wonder if them getting so sick at the same time was their way of ensuring that they left this world together.
I don’t think either one of them could have lived a happy life without the other.
I have many other pets in my lifetime. Sadly I have to go through the end of life with all of them. Even though I have been through this many times before, I was not prepared for this day.
We decided after just 4 days after their diagnosis, that we were going to put our beautiful boys down. In talking to our Vet, we asked her if they could go together, to which she said absolutely.
Making the call to book the appointment was painful.
It started out as just a regular day, but yet we both knew that it wasn’t. Loading the dogs in the car for their last trip was unlike anything you can imagine. Looking at them as I drive to the Vet wondering the entire time, can I actually say goodbye to my boys.
The tears and heartbreak started even before they were gone. We decided that we were going to be there for their very last breaths. In our minds as their moms, we owed them that much.
Anyone that has put a pet down, knows the process that happens with euthanasia. Watching our boys go together offered us a small sense of relief for them, but honestly it was the worst thing to see.
When they are gone and you are just sitting their looking at them, was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Getting home and walking into that empty house has been hard. Everywhere you look we see them.
Loving those 2 boys was the most wonderful thing we have ever done. They will never be forgotten. I don’t think that hole will ever be filled.
Today it is just one day at a time. We never got all the time we wanted, but we have pictures, videos and memories that can’t be taken away.
♥♥We love you sweet boys!♥♥